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(no subject) [Nov. 19th, 2009|03:35 pm]
Josh has been sick
so I've been taking care of 3 people
since yesterday afternoon
that doesn't sound like a lot
but there hasn't been much down time
between feeding them, him
and all the diaper changes
fits, playtime, bounce to sleep etc
so I'm rather beat
finally got the boys down for their nap
the hub was also alseep
so then I had to go downstairs
and make the stencil for tonight's tattoo
while I was down there I swept
then came up
did the dishes
cleaned the counters and stove top
and called to congratulate a friend
on her first sale

now I've got a few minutes to kill
but not enough to really get anything done
and all I want to do is nap
because I fuglied up something in my back this morning
moving chunky to the changing table
I've got a drawing to do
so I'll probably research that
print off some refernence pics
and if time allows
set up my board for drawing

oh what an exciting and enticing post this has been
better stop while I'm ahead
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(no subject) [Nov. 18th, 2009|08:08 am]
Meneire's sucks
I had 5 whole days with out symptoms
well actually 3
then the tinnitus kicked back in
then the random spins
and my balance is shot
whenever things get too loud
or chaotic
which is never
when you've got 1 yr old twinws, right?
it's pretty bad
like have to sit down bad
but I'm determined to plow on
as best I can for as long as I can
and avoid any medication
that would make me cease breastfeeding

yesterday I made
pumpkin muffins
pumpkin soup
and pumpkin pie
of it all the pie turned out the best
and there are two baggies
full of pumpkin puree
and a 2nd pie crust waiting
in the freezer

I think today I'll have
an egg for breakies
I've been eating oatmeal
but an egg sounds delightful
my hun is shedding the lbs like mad
and I'm not budging
but I'm also not dieting
or exercising enough to make a dent
so there's that

we got netflix last night
and the first movie we streamed
was called Pageant
about Miss Gay America
it was engrossing
it was awesome
my guy didn't win
Boooo!
but he places 2nd so ok.

today I think I need a list of to do's
exercise
clean off table
make conjoined twin dress
read how to design and make stuffed toys
pick an animal to make

I'd like to make bagels one of these days
I don't know why
but I think it might be a delightful
evening project for the hub and I
making a ton of diferent kinds
boiling then baking then freezing
I've been contemplating getting
a bread book as well

ok everyone's fussy
so it's breakies time
off to make toast and eggs
take out the dog
get the cat meds
and try for some motivation
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Progress [Nov. 16th, 2009|09:43 pm]
Today I got a lot done
but only because me Madre came over
and spent the day helping me out
we got laundry done
the boys got their H1N1 shots
the kitchen is clean
the apples are cooked
the pumpkin is now many lbs of puree
cardboard is cut for "drawers" in my sewing cabinet
the boys are in bed
and I made a pretty decent saag paneer for dindin
now I'm kinda beat
and I think I'm going to lay in bed and read a book
something I've not done in ages
I've got a book about raising toddler twins
I've been meaning to get to
today I started reading it while exercising
that didn't work out as well as hoped

the menieres is on again off again
I had a few good days
then tried drinking a couple glasses of wine one evening
and got the worst headache for the next 12hrs or so
then I got past that
and the tinnitus kicked back in
today I've been out to sea
in my head
and once, while feeding the boys dindin,
it got so bad the room was spinning
and I got that car sick feeling
I sat down and shut my eyes and tried to relax
and that seemed to help
I was going going going today
which is how I like it
but my body isn't so certain anymore

anyway I've got 2 books to read
the one about toddlers
and another that's essentially a manual
on how to design and make stuffed animals
and though I've been doing this on and off for some time
I feel I've got a few things to learn
about patternmaking

my vegetarian indian cookbook has been shipped
and my semi-success with the saag paneer
has me excited to cook more
and I'm wanting to cook indian
so we can share what we eat with the boys

I've also got an old 70's patternmaking book ordered
so I best get to the books I've got
before the new ones arrive and distract me

the only other thing I've got going on right now
is a dressform made out of paper mache
that I need to finish
so that I can append and redesign
two thrift store coats into one

so maybe more testing on my head
for this meniere's thing after all
but things are going
and I'm happy with the way things have been going
in the shop
so I'm a happy and thankful girl

if I can just get control of this balance thing
learn everything in the books present and coming
and lose 5-10lbs I'd be 100% content
but there's always something

no I'm grateful and happy
and always try to remain so
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(no subject) [Nov. 9th, 2009|12:45 pm]
grrr so I've been diagnosed
with Meneire's disease
it's not so great
but not really as bad as its name
the first meds the doc recommended
have not worked in the least
the next drug to try
will preclude me from breastfeeding any further
I don't yet know how I feel about this
I'm not way into breastfeeding
since I mde it to 1yr and all
but the beebees doc did suggest I do it
through the winter
due to all the upcoming bad flu issues
and I'd like to do that
can I deal with this
for the next 5mo
without solving the puzzle?
things to think about
I've not yet been to an ENT guy
so that might be the next step
if I'd like to avoid this drug

in other news
cheerier news
I ordered 2 more books today
I'm pretty excited about them
vegetarian indian cook book
and how to draft patterns for clothes
from measurements
I think I've got the basics down already
but this book got grrreat reviews
and I'd like to really know how to do it right
I'd like to clear out my inventory
of clothes and slowly work toward
more hand made custom fitted
so if I gain or lose weight I'll know it
and everything will fit so nice!

I've also decided 2 things
since I'm going to have to deal
with this Meniere's thing
I'm going to have to buckle down
with naps and exercise
to cut down on my potential stress
for naps my plan is to feed the boys
lunch when they start fussing
around 11-12ish
finish it off with 3oz bottles of warm milk
and lay them down
if they decide to cry it out so be it
and in the morning before 11
I plan to exercise for at least 20min
by dancing and jumping around
in the living room
I don't really have a better choice
for exercise right now
in line with exercise goals
I have also decided
that if I can get myself down to 133
and stay within 2lbs of that for a month
I will buy myself some vibram 5finger shoes
in the lavender
hot!
I've got a tattoo client
who's checking them out right now
and I won't buy unless he's convinced
that they rock
but currently that's my vote
for next shoe purchase

in the world of toys
I failed miserably
to design a 4 legged, 3 armed, 2 headed
conjoined twin for my circus
damn
well back to the more simple approach
which I think really gives me more freedom
as I go

off to forrage for lunch!
Link5 comments|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Nov. 8th, 2009|10:15 am]
I like patternmaking in illustrator
I can lay out everything in my head
today while taking the dog out
I looked like a drunk swaying ere and there
trying to walk around the cars
last night I had a glass of wine
and was so off balance
I looked like I'd been doing tequilla shots
all night
dreadful
going to eat some indian food
and run errnads without the monkeys
for 2hrs today
that will be nice
I need some time with the hub
uninterrupted
I should be cutting fabric
and tracing patterns
at this very moment
but I've been rather sluggish
on this pattern for some reason
maybe I'm afraid it won't work
for good reasons
the bottom piece just doesn't feel right
but I don't know how to compute
the circumference on an oval
maybe I'll go look that up.
Link6 comments|Leave a comment

what it's not [Nov. 5th, 2009|11:25 am]
I do not have:
a brain tumor
MS
cancer on the brain

all of this is goostuff!
however its now supposed
that I do have Meniere's Disease
this sounds worse than it is
but it does mean that this is
going to be a fixed and broken scenario
forever
not thrilled
but whatever
I'm on round 1 of possible medications
to get my balance back
I don't know if they can do anything
for my hearing issues
in 1wk if this med doesn't work
I shall add in another
and then after that another doc's appt
and possibly a referral to an earnosethroat guy
oh ok
so far these meds haven't done jack for my balance
it makes me tired
and it makes it hard to focus
for some reason
too many things
being accommodated for in my nog
I need to fix this
and have space to think
it's like a rollercoaster
is going in my head
off in the background
tre annoying

I set myself up with a challenge
to make a stuft creature out of polyester scraps
since I don't have access
to the thrift sto for more t's
for flesh for my circus
but my mind is so occupied
trying to deal with screaming beebees
and getting basic things done around the house
I could spend my whole day in PJs
accomplishing nothing
and still be exhausted
by 10pm
lame

ok I just remembered that there is
a shirt I'd be willing to sacrifice
to the circuis
so I'll scavenge from my own
overstocked dresser
but I'm not sure about the color
maybe the mermaid girl?
yes prolly
Link7 comments|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Nov. 4th, 2009|11:13 am]

Finished the FatLady and RingMaster
generally happy with the end result
learned a bunch
esp that I don't hate hand sewing
it is relaxing
and meditative
go figure
the kitty gave aggressive snuggles last night
and wanted some of the boy's fish at dindin
that's good
I don't expect him to be here next year
but would love it if he'd decide to eat more
and give 2010 a go
doc's appt for some test results today
weee fun times for me
I want to do the BeardedLady next
but I'm not certain about standing VS sitting
I'd also sort of like to make
a big animal in fleece for the boys
I DID buy 5lbs of stuffing...
Link6 comments|Leave a comment

let this be it [Nov. 2nd, 2009|10:11 am]
my cat is very slowly dying
I will not take him to the vet
unless he seems to be in pain
I'm still giving him his water injections and meds
but he's soooo skinny and doesn't do much
I don't know if he's eating
I think so but not much
I give him cuddles as much as I can
and brought him to bed with us yesterday night
and will be every night from now on

the hub has some major life changes
coming up since his last doc visit

I will have an MRI tomorrow to find out
if there's soemthing bad in my nog
that's causing all this imbalance

there
that's 3 universe
now leave me in peace
and happy

technically there's 4
because I'm also having abdominal pain
but that seems to be lessening

off to do what needs to be done around the house
and hopefully finish the fat lady today
not likely but it would be nice
Link4 comments|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Nov. 1st, 2009|09:33 am]
yesterday was halloween
this is usually the best time of the year for me
I find Fall romantic
the changing leaves
pulling out sweaters
jeans
knee socks with skirts
snuggles and hot cocoa
but this year it's been very obscured
imbalance has keep my brain swimming
productivity has been hard
I didn't get costumes made for the boys
but I justified this
because they were pirates for their b-day
and I had nowhere to take them
so last night I went to a zombie party
made up 3 other gals as zombies
whihc was probably the most fun part of the night
and then went to a really lame event
it's ok really

I woke up with a nosebleed
it's also that time of year
I'm the nosebleed queen
just in the mornings really
since my ear problem is not something
affected by use of the neti pot
I'm going to get back to using it
despite the fact that it's foreign
and feels like I'm drowning
but still breathing
a rousing endorsement doncha think?

I really do have the world's cutest
and most charming beebees
no matter how my day goes
that feels wonderful to know
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(no subject) [Oct. 31st, 2009|08:50 am]
woke up at 2:45am thinking it was 9:15
Edgar was screaming
and I figured it was time to get up
so I grabbed them both and breastfed them
back to deeeep sleep
then laid there for an hour
then told the hub I couldn't sleep
and that it was after 10am
so maybe we should get up
and I couldn't just lay there anymore
staring at the ceiling
thinking
he said he wasn't sure if I had the time right
I turned on the light for a sec
and was baffled
it was 3:20am
he put the boys back into their cribs easily
I mean it WAS the middle of the night
and then we talked softly for a bit
and finally he put on this outside sounds crib soother
that apparently worked.
up again for more breastfeeding at 8:30
but the boys had been playing nicely together
for about an hour in the crib
how cute
now we're all up and I've got to get
my morning routing moving
but I just keep thinking
and now is not a good time for that
PS the fat lady has arms
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(no subject) [Oct. 29th, 2009|09:42 am]
the clouds move low and fast
grey whisps over the amber and yellow trees of fall
the left side of my face feels numb
when I am staring blankly and listening
but not seeing
with the loss of proper functioning
of my left ear
I am only 3/4 there
with the balance of a drunkard
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self soothe THIS! [Oct. 28th, 2009|01:23 pm]
oh it's ok
it's not actually working out badly
we had, to my knowledge, no wake-ups last night
or at least no outbursts
this was the first time yet
it was delightful
but as far as naps goes I'm so lost out to sea
I look for the signs
Edgar goes down in minutes
Cecil fights it a little
but knocks out in less than 10min
but the second I put him in the crib
he's up and roaring
Nothing seems to change this
I even wait til he's exhausted
and takes forever to go down
and no luck
I've even let him go a day without naps
just to see if he magically doesn't need them
oh no he does!
I think they still need 2 1hr naps during the day
at least Edgar does
I don't know
listening to him wail in the crib is hard
I thought I might try what gB said
and see if it helps
going in every 10min to set him back down on his belly
pat his butt and leave
like, "this is the deal, buddy"

speaking of which
we got a toy that sings songs,
speaks etc to the boys
for their b-day
and you can connect it to the net
and fill out all this info
and it will use your child's name etc
this is all well and good unless you've got twins
so to solve the name problem
we put in Buddy
it's hilarious!
"you're my best friend... Buddy... why don't we play a game!"
the pause for Buddy is too much for me

my fat lady now has a butt
I now need some tulle and maybe doll hair
I've never gotten into anything I'd need hair for
for soem reason I feel silly buying doll hair
but she's not the fat, bald lady
and though I could see her getting
extra points at the circus for that
in the meantime I need to make her
some plump little legs and arms
and hand stitch that on
I now find hand stitching to be a fun-ish challenge
my body design for the fat lady
leaves soemthing to be desired
I need to work out body designs better in advance
or work to simplify them

hoping for a walk today
not sure if Steph will be calling or not

the hub just agreed to buy us a decent TV
I'm thrilled!
we don't actually watch real TV
just movies and eventually streaming netflix
but our old TV can't handle that
so it's time for a change

my dream of a Honda Oddyssey is failing
I just don't have $9g
finding one used, in my price range and within 100mi
seems daunting to say the least
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Oct. 27th, 2009|12:02 pm]
car headliner replaced
today I take pics to sell me fuel efficient car
in hopes of replacing it with one that is less so
not that this is an exciting prospect
well the space is
having a car that fits a twin stroller AND groceries
is a delightful concept
or that allows me to move my jogging stroller
and the dog
and the hub
and the kids
in one move is unthinkable
and in exchange
I will be driving a gas sucking beast
booo!
but nothing is forever
I need this now

in sewing news
I'm on to another toy
the ringmaster is not done
but I've started the fat lady
I think I like doing the heads more than anything else
I need to find a way to simplify the bodies
to I can do more of the part that makes me really happy

the boys are bringing me books like crazy lately
I think they know that it makes me happy
and we get snuggle together time
I've been buying them the hard, thick paged books like mad
I need to drop by borders for more
they're usually cheap and on sale in little packs

teeth abound on the boys
and they walk like little champs
I think Edgar is even testing the waters for running
he'll run right to me and have me catch him
it's very cute
Cecil is a little more cautious
but they're both at about the same skill level now

ok lunch with the hub!
Link6 comments|Leave a comment

naps UGH! [Oct. 20th, 2009|05:46 pm]
so I'm getting more sleep at night
I don't need naps during the day
but this means that the boys need
to start taking naps w/o me
Edgar is mostly down with this
but Cecil screams for the hour
I require him to remain in his crib
I don't think I'm planning the nap time well
They fall asleep really quickly
but then cecil wakes in a frightened rage
whenever I try to put him down in the crib
thei cry it out thing is sucking arse
as far as sorting out naps goes
they make it sound so easy
but I think my boys are hitting a transition
from two naps to one
and I'm left hanging on how to organize it.

in o0ther news my ringmaster is now a pirate
this is ok
he needs a hat and boots
I plan on making these outta felt
>GASP!< hand sewn

in other beebee news
I bought them the ABCs for the walls
and now the alphabet spans the living room
they only seem mildle impressed so far
and I bought them flash cards
and more toys from the thrift sto
then I bought groceries
and don't want to know what's left in my pocket
I just want proficient ABCers and readers
when the time is right
Edgar almost said Tiger today
that's his car toy
he loves it

ok off to find felt..

OH PS for Miss Kate...
I'll probably call you about this
but I've got eustacean(sp?) tube issues so badly
that when the beebees yell or loud noises happen
it hurts, my vision is knocked to the side a bit
and my balance is affected
but not so much that I can't walk or carry the boys
The doc said to take claritin(sp?) and use the equiv of flonaze
it is not working
the tinnitus is horrible too
any suggestions?
I don't want to go back to the doc
to pay a copay to hear this is all I can do
because I'm still breastfeeding
so I thought I'd ask here
losing my mind on this issue really
it makes the days incredibly long and exhausting
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sleeping, toys, tattoos, b-days and such [Oct. 18th, 2009|11:19 pm]
so the boys are asleep
I bottled them, boobied them
and then laid with them
til they were both very asleep
but they both woke and screamed
when I tried to put them in the crib
I laid them back down, patted butts,
and left the room.
they seem to be ok so long as both of them
are in the crib together
so in 5ish min they were fas asleep
or at least not screaming anymore
I checked them a minute ago
and they're snuggled head to head

it was so sweet
when I put edgar down he cried
but then when I put his bro next to him
he grabbed Cecil's hand
awwwww they beat eachother down with toys
and fight alll the time
but they really do love eachother

their b-day really took a lot outta me
I really wanted everyone to have a lovely time
and they all dit
Sheri, Josh's sis, ended up giving us
tons of mexican food leftover from a fest
and we didn't have to do anything but reheat it
and serve it
and then she took some pics
and cleaned up the cake mess
while we changed the boys
from the whole green frosting mashing
we're leaving the Dracula and Skeleton up as the boys love it
now I know that I need to find more beebee
educational stuff to put on the walls
I wonder where teachers shop for that stuff...

I'm making another stuft sculped face person
my last attempt ended up looking like Ron Jeremy
how creepy and funny
this one's face is great so far
but the fabric I was gonna use for the legs rips too easily
so I need to get some more
at the thrift sto Tues
when all clothing items are $1
it's a cool way to get more fabric
there's a lot to learn with making toys
and being cautious about what fabric I choose
will have to be a part of that learning curve

So there's something to look at in this post:

I did this today in 3hrs. It was really fun.
but I deeply love my job
so most of what I do it really fun to me
lucky lucky me
thankful thankful me

the and such?
oh I dunno
I'm putting on winter weight
yuck
I do not feel attractive
but don't really care either
at least not enough to do anything about it
we're getting a better TV
so we can get netflix
and survive the long winter indoors
and our friend bagged us a deere
so this year we eat meat
last year we did not
and a chest freezer is going to be purchased
I still desperately need a bigger vehicle
my awesome folks got the boys and I
a new stroller. it's rockin
and will last us til they no longer need a stroller
but it barely fits into the trunk
like with cranking, fighting and wiggling bately fits
the folks also got the boys new car seats
they are now, despite my reluctance, forward facing
it's better to keep kids rear facing til the age of 2
but the way car seats are designed in the US
this is essentially impossible

more b-day pics coming soon
I should really get a paid acct for flickr
so I can share these easier
keep them better organized etc
I'll have to see what that costs
ok off to eat a piece of cake and watch a movie
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1st b-day [Oct. 18th, 2009|09:54 pm]





these are to thrill you into visiting me this fall Miss kate!!
Pirate suits, halloween theme, pile-o-cake, happy happy boys.
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

"self soothing" day 3 [Oct. 16th, 2009|11:42 am]
I hate that name to be sure.
Night 2 there was a LOT of intermittent screaming.
Not so much for the sleep or good sleep.
Last night was better.
Some short, random bursts of crying but they were shorter lived.
Naps have been another matter.
Cecil will NOT let me put him in his crib
and if I've wooed him to sleep
he wakes and screams as soon as I set him down in it.
One of the two things I'd like to do is
get/make a fleece matress cover for their crib.
Going from toasty mommy to cool, cotton sheets
would suck for anyone.
And it's winter so I thought it'd just be warmer for them ingeneral.
The other thing I want to do is get them a toy/activity thing
for their crib so they can play if they wake up
and it's not wake time.
I've heard from a lot of parents that having a good crib toy
means more happiness for everyone.
Now to pick one...
I think that's what we're going to use the grandparents
gift money for.

Note: I hate finishing a sentence with for.
But I hate retyping it in an awkward way that is correct even more.
So there you have it.

Strange.
Cecil was alone in the crib crying
and I got Edguarro to go to sleep
and put him in the crib with his screaming brother
and Cec only screamed a few times more
and has been pretty quiet since.
Maybe he woke E up and they're in there playing.
I hope not.
They NEED naps with the sleep disruptions
of learning to sleep on their own.

Ok well either way, since they're being quiet
and are in the safety of their crib
I'm going to get some cleaning done for the Sat b-day thing.

So my scoring so far on this whole thing:
nights +1
naps -1
Oh wait there's Cec crying again.
This is sooo hard for me.
Heartbreaking.
But they really need a sleep schedule
and I need one too so we can all be
the most functional and happy people possible.
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

!! [Oct. 14th, 2009|10:50 am]
My little beebees are 1 today!
HAPPY BURFDAY LIL FELLAHS! Momma loves you more than she could ever imagine was possible in the universe. And to have twice the joy, wonder and beauty to wake to, play with every day, snuggle and teach is amazing. I'm the luckiest momma in the world.

I've bought you buckaneer outfits at a thrift store and we're having a halloween themed birthday so your birthday pics will probably be as pirates. Maybe I'll make you a big skull cake for your burfday. Or a pirate map? Dunno yet...
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not so sure but proceeding forward in desperation [Oct. 14th, 2009|10:34 am]
So my lovely friend Miss Kate just sent me a book about happy, healthy sleep for twins. As soon as I'd received it I had 1/2 of it read that evening. It's not a huge book but I was ravenous for info on getting the boys to sleep more, better etc. They're 1 today. This is AWESOME and I'm going to post about that after this but I wanted to capture this first. The book is about something I was unwilling to do. Cry it out, self soothing and that sort of thing. This is against my nature. Letting a beebee cry is ... well not nice. But they are 1 and getting us up at least 2 sometimes 4X night. They are not needing anything except to be brought to bed with us. I breastfeed them to sleep and then we put them in their crib in the bedroom with us. They wake and I bring them to bed and frequently have to make bottles or breastfeed to get them back to sleep. We do not put them back in their crib but they awaken again more than once in the night for more food. I don't really think they're actually hungry. they get 4-5 meals a day that are fairly well balanced, breastfeeding 2X day and bottles in between mealtimes if they seem edgy for a snack. They're gaining weight nicely so far as I can tell and they have an abundant ammt of energy to play every day. So I'm still reading this book despite the fact that it's not my cup-o-tea because I'm desperate for sleep.

that said last night we put them to bed as usual. Edgar cried at 2am and I, quite by 1/2 asleep reflex, got up and breastfeed him back to sleep. I did get up and put him in the crib this time though. He woke up 30 min later howling. Ok he's clearly not hungry. He just wants to join us but it'll take another feedint to get him to sleep again. I wait 5min and let him cry a little to see if he'll sort it out and lay back down. No such luck. cecil then wakes and they both cry and cry and alternate efforts. I whisper back and forth under the noise about what to do. He's staunchly agains getting up andgetting them. He' much better with the letting the babies cry thing. No so much for momma. After 20min we leave the bedroom because we're not sleeping anyway and it feels better to not see them cry. I amused myself online as best I could. After 1hr and 10min they were asleep again in their crib. Yes they cried themselves to sleep. We are going to give this 1wk. I agreed to it so I'm sticking to it. I'm NOT happy about it at all but if it works and the boys have a regular sleep schedule it'll be the best thing for everyone. I'm still not sure what to do with the morning since Cecil and E get up at different times and I want them to nap at the same time later in the day.
Insert big sigh.
It's hard.
Crushing.
But today they don't seem any worse for wear and are lovey, smiley and playful as usual.
We'll see. I'll still have to nap with them during this time because I'm now missing sleep due to crying beebees but if this works we'll have to take a softer handed approach to instituting a nap schedule during the day. I can't even imagine knowing when everyone's going to sleep so I can actually plan things. whoa. The idear.
That's it really just had to get it out after night 1.
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not so much [Oct. 8th, 2009|09:10 am]
not accomplishing much the past few days.
the boys and I are all full of snot
sickie and slow and goobery
I am however inspired to do something with my house
I've been laying plans out in my head
a patient paced series of events leading to a clean house
that works
that's the main issue right now
not so functional
we're having space issues
it's the layout really
and the no closets
but I think both are fixable
with time, patience and efforts

but today I'm just hoping
to use a coupon for stuffing
as I'm out
and finish my two headed bird for the boys
I got a doll making book from me madre
it was a freebie to her
adn it's nice but not exactly where I'm going
so I'm going to use what I can
and try one of their dolls first
I'd like to make one of a kind stuft toys

anyway

the boys are in WANNA walk mode
they are constanly having me help them up
and then tottering off
Edguarro make sit pretty far
but Cecil is still a little tentative about it all
I think he gets nervous and returns to his safer crawling
they both cry with disappointment when they fall
they're not hurt at all they slowly bump down onto their bums
and cry with the disgrace of not having made it to their goal
but I encourage them and give them lots of hugs
and they keep trying and getting better every day

in long overdue Motor news
he's still sick I think but he's 14 or 15
and already on 4 meds/day and 3 water injections/wk
I don't want to take him back to the vet
to hear that his kidneys could be doing better
I know that
I want to keep him here because I know
there's not much they can do for him there
and he'd just be woefully uncomfortable
I don't want to put him through that again
for the 3rd time
it's like hearing that your 80yr old gramma has cancer
it's terribly sad but do you really put her through chemo?
no
so I made him a more puffy, toasty bed
and give him love when he wants it
and make sure he's eating a little each day
he's still pretty sprightly
so I've got hope he'll do ok for a while longer
but he's a bag of bones
I cold find any bone in his body with a quick touch
it make sme tremendously sad
but such is old age
and he knows I love him
and he's has the best food, snuggles, love and medical attention
a cat could ask for
so that's that
but I with I could get him to gain a little weight

crying beebee gotta run
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